RePrOdUcTiOn
by Kaccee
Summary: It's a songfic from a song from grease 2! and it's a hogwarts sex ed class. I think it's funny...maybe it's just me...


Reproduction

Reproduction

It was a warm Friday afternoon, and the Gryffindor and Slytherin double period was in for the class of a lifetime. Being seventh years, most of them had already had…some…experience in the subject they were learning about. The class was the first of its kind, innovative, and a new once-a-year subjects in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It was Sexual Education. 

The professor happened to be the ex Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor R. Lupin. The students slowly entered the classroom, unaware of what was ahead. As usual, the separate houses sat on different sides of the schoolroom.

"Ahem" Professor Lupin cleared his throat. "Welcome…today we will be covering a new…" He paused to look around nervously. "…section… in the agenda…Sex Ed." A few giggles came from the Slytherin side of the room. "Please separate so that the girls and boys are on different sides of the room." Groans exploded all around.

"See you guys later," said Hermione as she slumped over to the other side of the room. She sat down beside Rosa and Parvati and looked nervously towards the front.

"Now, open your books to the first chapter." Professor Lupin sounded (note: no "sort of") uncomfortable, and most children noticed. He cleared his throat and started the lecture. 

"We will start with the reproductive system of the flower…" Groans filled the room again.

_Prof. Lupin: The parts of a flower so constructed that very, very often the wind will cause pollination._

Everyone gasped. He was singing? Signing about flower sex? This was one strange class…

_  
Prof. Lupin: If not, then a bee or any other nectar gathering creature can _create the same situation.

  
Yes, anything that gets the pollen to the pistils, write it on the list.

They took out their parchment and quills and started to take notes, cautiously.

_Prof. Lupin: I'll try to make it crystal-clear:   
The flower's sensational passion turns its life into a circus of debauchery!_

Everybody looked around strangely, as if they thought they were the only one who heard the teacher singing.

_Prof Lupin: Now you see just how the stamen gets its lusty dust onto the stigma.  
And why this frenzied chlorophyllous orgy starts in spring is no enigma!  
We call this quest for satisfaction a what, class?_

Hermione's hand shot up in the air, as she had been reading ahead. Lupin pointed at her.

_Hermione: A photoperiodic reaction!_

_Prof Lupin: Oh, that's good, oh that's very good._

_Crabbe and Goyle: Hey I'm lost, where are we?_

_Blaise Zabini: Chapter 2, page 5. _

_Guys: Reproduction!_

_Girls: Reproduction!_

_Millicent Bolstrode: Put your pollen tube to work!_

_Guys: Reproduction!_

_Girls: Reproduction!_

_Rosa: Make my stamen go berserk!_

_Guys: Reproduction!_

_Parvati: I don't think they even know what a pistil is!_

_Dean: I got your pistil right here..._

_Ron (tenor): Where does the pollen go?_

_Prof. Lupin: Next chapter, in an abstract way, the same thing applies  
to the reproductive organs of the more complex life forms. But now we are dealing with sexual response. Are there any questions before we begin reading? _

_Neville: Is it possible the female member of some sex on a couch  
could like get this guy all hot and she never even knew it?_

_Dean:_ _When a warm-blooded mammal in a tight little sweater  
starts pullin' that stuff, is she sayin' that she wants to do it?_

_Malfoy: Can't prove it by me, cause they change their tune when you got 'em in the back seat._

_Seamus:_ _With his heart beatin' fast!_

_Lavender:_ _They make it sound like a track meet, Gross!_

_Guys: Yeah,_ _then all they can do is say "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!" _

_Girls in low voices: Reproduction!_

_Guys in high voices: Reproduction!_

_Girls in low voices: Baby, give it to me now._

_Guys: Reproduction!_

_Girls: Reproduction!_

_Guys in high voices: Is that all you think about?  
  
Guys and Girls: Reproduction! _

_Girls: Come on baby show me that you really love me so!_

_Neville: Ohhh, I think I'm gonna throw up!_

_Ron (tenor): Where does the pollen go?_

_Prof. Lupin: The human is the only being capable of consciously controlling its number of offspring. Any comments on this?_

_Jill: Professor Lupin is it true that guys like you, you know, mature and all, carry some protection with them for sexual occasions?_

_Malfoy: What's the big deal? Can't a girl just do that thing in a book  
where she adds up the days of her, uh, what do you call it, mentalstration?_

_Pansy: Oh that's really neat!_

_Rosa: Yeah, and what will the guy say when the numbers don't add up right, huh?_

_Girls: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!_

_Guys: Reproduction!_

_Girls: Reproduction!_

_Jill: Hope he's proud of what he's done!_

_Guys: Reproduction!_

_Girls: Reproduction!_

_Malfoy: He was only pokin' fun._

_Guys and Girls: Reproduction!_

_Harry: What happens when a boy and girl don't know how to play it safe?_

_Guys and Girls: Reproduction, reproduction!  
Reproduction, reproduction!  
Reproduction, reproduction!  
Reproduction!_

_Ron (tenor): Where does the pollen go?_

_Professor Lupin: Class dismissed._

A/N woo…that was just a LITTLE strange huh? Well tell me what u thinks.


End file.
